I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize