Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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