i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
