dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
