"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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