so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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