What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just cropdusted the office
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
