i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Come on in and take your pants off
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