You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
