we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
