sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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