yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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