Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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