She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
