When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
