im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
