That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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