I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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