I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
