Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
