That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
