Barsexuality is the new black.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
