I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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