I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
