I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
