new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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