I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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