For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
