Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you didnt know i had herpes?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
