ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
In America we eat man semen.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
