so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
