my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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