and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
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