i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dick very happy bro
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
