the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
