i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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