so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
