I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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