dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
