i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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