I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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