You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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