Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
