You just made me feel so damn special
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
