Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
