so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
