Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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