does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His hands were made for my vagina.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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