you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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