The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
