ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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