i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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