Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
