where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
