so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
