I just threw up on my dentist
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize