Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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