Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
