He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
