i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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