no, he came in my armpit
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're like the curious george of whores
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
