the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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