It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
