coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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