I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
