loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
