Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
