We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
