i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
