I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
