some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
