dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
