I wish my penis had an off switch
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
