Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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