It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think my moral compass just broke
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