why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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