Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My bed smells like the plague
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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