you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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