I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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