Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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