ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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