Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
