He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
