i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
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I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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