i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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