mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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