True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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