***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
