it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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