hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
