He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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